why didn't you poke me back
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
