I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
