Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
