Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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