Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
