i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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