allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
