I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
People in love make me want to vomit
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
