I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
