Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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