I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize