He asked me if I "almost moaned"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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