Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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