did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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