A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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