So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize