His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
