Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
