I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
