Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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