I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
