that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize