btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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