and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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