I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
