I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
