in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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