Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Randomize
