I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize