i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It's not a walk of shame if you run
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
