I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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