I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
So. Much. Porn.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
