dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
