Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize