I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Randomize
