If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
