I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
