and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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