I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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