Life is so much better after having sex.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
