My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
