omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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