Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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