You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
