five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
