My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My ATM looks so different sober.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
