Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
