We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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