bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
