Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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