Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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