Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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