He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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