GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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