I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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