omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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