The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
