kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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