You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
