If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
