i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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