so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Enjoy the penises
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
