Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
