birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
