im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
