i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
