that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
