I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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