i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize