Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
