I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
