I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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