If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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