well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
