I puked a lego.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
