Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
