I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
