I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
