we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
