I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
