I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
