Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
where are my eyebrows?
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